« 中期プログラム 給付と負担を一体で示せ | トップページ | オバマ時代―中東政策への期待と現実 »

2008年11月21日 (金)

香山リカのココロの万華鏡:大切なのは「婚活」の先

(Mainichi Japan) November 20, 2008

Kaleidoscope of the heart: It's what happens after the marriage search that's important

香山リカのココロの万華鏡:大切なのは「婚活」の先 /東京


Recently a series of catchphrases have been coined to describe the situation of single women in Japan -- such as "ohitorisama" (Ms. Loner), "makeinu" (Ms. Loser, for unmarried women over 30), and "konkatsu" (hubby-hunting) -- and have become topics for lively discussion.

 近年、「おひとりさま」「負け犬」「婚活」など、シングル女性に関係した新語が次々登場し、活発に議論されている。

But when these loners and losers who actively start hubby-hunting actually snare themselves a marriage partner, do they live happily ever after?

 では、30歳をすぎてもシングルの「負け犬」女性たちも、結婚のために積極的な活動、「婚活」をしてパートナーを得られれば、それで一件落着、となるのであろうか。

The answer for many such women is no. It turns out that quite a few of these women, who are supposed to be happy newlyweds, begin to come down with psychological disorders.

 しかし実際には、幸せなはずの新婚生活が始まってから、なぜか心の不調に陥る女性は少なくない。

Their parents are happy for them, and they continue to work at their jobs as they always have, and the men who have become their husbands pitch in with the housework. Yet a conspicuous number of them fall into a state which prevents them from being enthusiastic about their housework and jobs, and they begin to feel down in the dumps.

両親も結婚を喜んでくれていて、仕事も今まで通りに続けているし、夫となった男性も家事に協力的。

 それなのに、家事も仕事もやる気がしない、気持ちもパッと晴れない、夜も眠れず食欲もない、とうつ状態に陥ってしまう女性が、近年、目立って目につくようになった。

When I probe the source of their stress, nothing pops up. At most, a woman might volunteer that "living with a stranger, my husband, just doesn't suit me well." When she tells me that "my husband is considerate, and of course I don't dislike him, but when he's there on his days off, I just can't relax ..." I look into her face and get a sudden urge to ask her, "Then what does marriage actually mean to you?

 なぜなのか、とストレス源を探っても、これといったものは見つからない。強いて言えば、「他人である夫との生活がしっくりこない」ということだろうか。「夫も気をつかってくれるし、もちろん嫌いではないのですが、休日にもそこにいられると、どうしてもゆっくりできなくて……」と語る女性の顔を見ていると、「じゃ、あなたにとって結婚って何だったわけ?」と、思わず聞きたくなってくる。

Living with a stranger is part and parcel of marriage, but for many of these women, their conception of marriage seems to freeze at the point that they send out postcards and e-mails announcing that they have gotten married.

 他人と生活を始めることが「結婚する」ということであるはずなのに、彼女の場合は「結婚しました」という案内のハガキやメールを送ったところで、結婚に対する想像が止まっていたのかもしれない。

Women may have confidence in what they have accomplished in college and since getting a job, so lurking in their heart somewhere is the feeling that they don't want to change themselves so readily merely for the sake of something like marriage.

 学生時代、仕事をしてから、とこれまで自分が進んできた道にそれなりに自信があるので、「結婚ごときで容易に自分を変えたくない」というこだわりも心の中にひそんでいるのだ。

But they can't get used to living with their husbands, who are strangers to them. I am always at a loss when I try to figure out what kind of advice I should dispense to women who are maladjusted to married life. Even if I were to remind them of the vows they exchanged at their weddings -- "in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish," they would not come around.

 夫という他人と暮らせない。結婚生活への適応障害ともいえる女性たちに、どうアドバイスをすればいいのか、といつも戸惑ってしまう。「健やかなるときも病めるときもこれを愛し、と結婚式で誓ったはずでしょう」などと言っても、説得力はなさそうだ。

The hubby hunts that these women actively embark on in order to get married are all good and well. But what is important is what happens after they succeed in their search. While they will be adored by their husbands in the early stages after the wedding, marriages are supposed to last for many decades.

If I were to tell these women that this is what they should be carefully considering when searching for a husband, would it just encourage more of them to marry later, or to forgo marriage altogether?

 結婚のために積極的に行動する「婚活」、おおいにけっこう。でも、大切なのはその先だ。「婚活」に成功して賞賛を浴びるのは数カ月、それからの生活は何十年も続くことをよく考えて活動に励んでもらいたいものだが、そんなことを言ったらまた晩婚化、非婚化が進むだけだろうか。

While it may be the case that few women today would completely fall for the notion that "married life is bliss," at the very least I would like the women who do get married not to come down with maladjustment syndrome. (By psychiatrist Rika Kayama)

 結婚生活は夢いっぱい、といった言葉を鵜呑(うの)みにする人は今や少ないかもしれないが、せめて適応障害に陥らないようにしてもらいたいものだ。

毎日新聞 20081118日 地方版

|

« 中期プログラム 給付と負担を一体で示せ | トップページ | オバマ時代―中東政策への期待と現実 »

02-英字新聞(毎日)」カテゴリの記事

コメント

コメントを書く



(ウェブ上には掲載しません)




« 中期プログラム 給付と負担を一体で示せ | トップページ | オバマ時代―中東政策への期待と現実 »