香山リカのココロの万華鏡:他人の立場で考えよう ／東京

February 02, 2014(Mainichi Japan)
Kaleidoscope of the Heart: Learn to put yourself in someone else's shoes
香山リカのココロの万華鏡:他人の立場で考えよう　／東京

I often hear stories from both sides of two opposing parties at my clinic: parent and child, wife and husband and mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. I do think both sides have a point, but I regularly have trouble figuring out what they should do to resolve their differences so that they can have a better understanding of each other.
　診察室にいると相対する立場の人から「それぞれの言い分」を聞く機会がある。親と子。妻と夫。いわゆる姑（しゅうとめ）と嫁。そのたびに「もっともだ」と納得しながらも、「どうすればわかり合えるのか」と頭を抱えてしまう場合も少なくない。

Among those battles, I think "working mothers vs. single women at work" is one of the most troubling relationships.
　違う立場同士の関係の中でも難しいのが、「職場での妊娠あるいは育児中の女性とシングル女性」なのではないか。

Many women today continue working during their pregnancy and after giving birth. At the same time, I often hear working mothers and working mothers-to-be suffering from what is called "maternity harassment" -- where employers or bosses ignorantly say things like "Wouldn't it be easier if you didn't work?" or force heavy work on pregnant staff without consideration of their health. It is a pity that those women have to suffer from harsh comments at work and be given the cold shoulder.
最近は妊娠、出産しても仕事をやめずに頑張ろうという女性が多い。しかし、妊娠しながら働く女性に上司が「退職すれば？」などと言ったり、体調を考慮せずに重労働を命じたりする「マタニティー・ハラスメント」で苦しむ話をよく聞く。「仕事と家庭、両立を」と意気込んでいても、心ない人の冷たい視線や言葉に傷ついてしまうのは気の毒だ。

On the other hand, I see many single women becoming worn out after taking the workload of their colleagues who have children or are pregnant. A patient of mine, who suffered from depression as she kept having to take over her colleague's unfinished tasks because the colleague left work early to pick up her children from daycare, once said, "Even if I work extra for my co-worker who has kids, people only praise her. They would say, 'Oh, she works hard and manages to take care of her kids.' It's not that I want to be admired, but I feel like I've been told I'm unworthy because I don't have a child." I understand where my patient was coming from.
　一方で、子育て中で短縮勤務制度などを利用する女性の陰で、負担のしわ寄せで息切れするシングル女性もいる。「保育所のお迎えが」と、早めに会社を出る同僚の分の仕事を引き受け、うつ状態に陥って診察室に来た女性が言っていた。「その人の分まで仕事をやってあげても、周囲が口にするのは『育児と仕事、頑張ってるよね』という彼女へのほめ言葉ばかり。自分もほめられたいわけじゃないが、何となく『子どもがいない人は価値がない』と言われているような気がして肩身が狭くなる」。こうした言い分もよくわかる。

Working mothers have it tough, but that doesn't mean that all single women enjoy their freedom and have nothing to worry about. Some people are not married, even though they wish they were, for different reasons.
　子育て中の女性も大変。でも、シングル女性が自由を謳歌（おうか）し、何の苦労もないかと言えばそれは全く違う。自分も結婚や出産を、と望んでいても、さまざまな事情やタイミングでできない人もいる。

It's only natural, if we think about it, that both sides have their own troubles, but when people are preoccupied with their own business, they tend to lack the thoughtfulness to understand what others must go through.
考えてみれば、「どちらもそれなりの苦労、悩みがあるよね」というのはごく当然のことなのに、みんな自分のことで精いっぱいになると立場の違う人のことを想像できなくなってしまうのだ。

We should not claim "Look at me! I work so hard!" all the time at work or home and think about what others are going through. I sometimes wish there was a "national pat-on-the-back day" when people can acknowledge and appreciate each other.
　家庭でも職場でも、「私ってこんなに大変」と思ったり主張したりするばかりでなく、互いが自分と異なる立場にある人のことを考えて「あなたも頑張ってるんですね」と言い合う日があればいいのに、などと空想する。

While some advocates are pushing to make ethics courses compulsory at school again, where children learn about manners and patriotism, I would like schools to teach students how to walk in someone else's shoes. Just keeping in mind that "that person too has their own troubles" should help people reduce everyday stress.
Let's start being considerate of others by recognizing each other's hard work.
義務教育で道徳教育の復活を、という声が高まっているが、礼儀や愛国心などを学ぶだけではなく、ぜひ「他人の立場に自分を置いて考える」という練習もしてほしい。「あの人も、きっと苦労があるんだろうな」とお互いが考えてみるだけで、日常のストレスは激減するはずだ。

(By Rika Kayama, psychiatrist)
毎日新聞　2014年01月28日　地方版