香山リカのココロの万華鏡 「親のせい」で片付かない ／東京

September 4, 2016 (Mainichi Japan)
Kaleidoscope of the Heart: The sins of the son are not the sins of the mom
香山リカのココロの万華鏡  「親のせい」で片付かない　／東京

Recently, a 22-year-old actor was arrested on suspicion of rape. The victim was apparently badly injured in the assault. This incident is, in a word, unforgiveable.
　２２歳の俳優が強姦（ごうかん）致傷容疑で逮捕された。被害者の女性はいかに傷ついたことだろう。許されない行為だ。

This young actor has a famous actress for a mother, who appears frequently in drama series and on variety shows. The suspected rapist was often referred to as "that actress' son" in his professional life. In that way, you could say that he was not entirely separate from his mother, and so perhaps it's unavoidable that some people would wonder what she would do after her son's arrest for such a terrible crime.
　その俳優には、有名女優の母親がいた。ドラマにバラエティー番組にと大活躍している人だ。容疑者である俳優も、これまで「あの母親の息子」といわれることが多かった。そういう意味では、その親子を完全に切り離して考えるのはむずかしい。誰もが「息子の逮捕を受けて母親の女優はどうするのか」と関心を持つのは仕方のないことかもしれない。

What she did was hold a news conference, bow very, very low before the assembled reporters, and apologize.
　そして記者会見が開かれ、母親である女優は大勢のメディア関係者の前で深々と頭を下げて謝罪した。

Obviously shocked and despairing, she appeared thin and haggard as she faced the glare of the cameras. It was painful to watch. And then came the questions, quick and sharp as arrows, demanding to know about how she had raised her son.
突然の逮捕に驚き、憔悴（しょうすい）した姿が痛々しかった。記者からは子育てに関しても質問が飛び、

"I intended to do the very best that I could in my own way, but I think now that the way I raised him didn't go well," she said. I suspect that a lot of people saw this and wondered how far a parent's responsibility extends when it comes to the problems of their children.
女優は「自分なりに精いっぱいやったつもりですが、私の育て方がいけなかったと思っている」と語った。
　その姿に、子どもの問題に親はどこまで責任を持たなければならないのだろう、と考え込んでしまった人も多いのではないか。

Parents naturally have an idea of what kind of people they want their children to be, and convey to them the ideas and rules of the household. However, no matter how much a parent thinks of their daughter or son as "my child," they are in fact separate human beings. It's impossible for any parent to completely control the thoughts and emotions of their child. It's also not something a parent should try to do. What's more, it's impossible for parents to police their kids' actions at every moment.
　子育てで、親は子どもに「こういう人になってほしい」と期待したり、その家庭の方針を伝えたりするのはあたりまえのことだ。しかし、わが子とはいえ親とは別の人間。その人格や心を親が完全にコントロールすることはできないし、またそうすべきでもない。ましてや、その行動を親が常に監視し規制することは不可能だ。

Occasionally, parents with children who have developed serious problems come to my practice for help. In cases where the child is still quite young, up to about junior high school age, I often counsel that aspects of children's behavior change depending on how parents deal with them, and help the parents with that. For parents of kids in high school or beyond, however, I tell them, "It's difficult to help unless your child comes here in person." Behind this insistence is my belief that once a child reaches the latter half of their teens, their individual character, ideas and opinions should be respected.
　診察室でも、ときどき問題のある子どもにかわって、親が受診に来る場合がある。子どもが中学生くらいまでの場合は「親の接し方で変わる面もあるだろうから」と相談に乗るが、高校生より上になると「本人が来てくれないとむずかしい」と伝える。そこには「１０代後半になったら、独立した人格として子どもの意見や考えも尊重したい」という私の思いも込められている。

Of course, parents and children will always be family, so it's not out of the question for a mother to stand before the public and apologize for the alleged deeds of a son who is now detained and incapable of doing so himself. However, I think it is wrong to demand she admit responsibility, based in the way she raised and supervised her now adult child.
　もちろん、そうはいっても家族なのだから、いまは勾留されて謝罪できない息子にかわり、親が被害者や関係者におわびすることはあってもよい。ただ、親に育て方や監督の責任を求めるのは正しいこととは思えない。

It's a beautiful thing to see parents and children pooling their efforts and helping each other out. However, for people to immediately point the finger at parents and say "It's their fault" as soon as someone causes a problem is good for no one, parent or child. In this recent case, too, I would like to see the man who committed the crime be judged and punished severely. And I'd like to see his mother continue her acting career in much the same way it was before all this happened.
　親子が一体となって努力したり、助け合ったりする姿はほほえましく美しい。しかし、誰かが問題を起こしたときにすぐに「親のせい」と言われるのは、親にとっても子どもにとってもプラスにならないのではないか。今回のケースでも、罪を犯した男性はしっかり裁かれて償ってほしいし、できれば母である女優にはこれまで通り活動を続けてほしいと思っている。

(By Rika Kayama, psychiatrist) （精神科医）